1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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