And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize