I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
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Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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