Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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