Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize