the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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