last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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