when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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