break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
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We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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