i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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