I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize