You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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