"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize