she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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