My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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