God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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