You're my little dorito
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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