he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
did i just pee glitter
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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