I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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