I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize