why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize