you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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