I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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