just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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