can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
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You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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