I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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