so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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