well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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