i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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