I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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