If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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