my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize