woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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