hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
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She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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