We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize