party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
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The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
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Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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