We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
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All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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