So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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