I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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