You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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