glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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