if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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