I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize