someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize