found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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