Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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