i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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