Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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