if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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