My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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